Trip: Orlando, Florida · April 23–27, 2026 · with Dan

In April I did the most unapologetically touristy trip of my time in America: five days in Orlando with Dan, hitting Magic Kingdom, Universal’s Islands of Adventure, and EPCOT back to back to back. I landed on two and a half hours of sleep and left with a firm one-sentence verdict: worth it — and whatever you do, get the express and lightning passes.

First impressions: a city built to sell you things

Orlando is strange as a city. The whole place feels engineered as an amusement product — everything is designed to tempt you into paying for one more experience. Once you accept that’s the deal, it’s fine; but it’s worth noticing that you’ve entered a machine.

Arrival day was the warm-up: a walk around Disney Springs (free, and a good way to get Disney atmosphere without a $150 ticket), then iFLY indoor skydiving — you float on a column of air in an orange jumpsuit, and it’s shorter than you expect but genuinely fun — and the ICON Park Ferris wheel at sunset, which does two full loops. By then the 2.5 hours of sleep caught up with me and I nearly dozed off mid-loop.

The ICON Park wheel on arrival day — two full loops, one very sleepy passenger.

Magic Kingdom: take the boat

Here’s the best free tip I have: from the transportation hub, take the boat to Magic Kingdom instead of the monorail. Approaching the castle slowly over the water genuinely feels like approaching a kingdom. It’s the correct way to arrive.

We did a full-day sweep: Space Mountain, Pirates of the Caribbean, the Haunted Mansion, Seven Dwarfs Mine Train (via Lightning Lane — buy it, the standby line is brutal), the Mad Tea Party, the Tiki Room, and It’s a Small World, which is so gentle it nearly put me to sleep in the boat. The daytime parade is worth catching — though know that ride lines drop during the parade, so a savvy move is to split: one person holds the parade spot, everyone else rides.

The 10 PM fireworks over the castle. Everyone tells you to stay for this, and everyone is right.

Stay for the 10 PM fireworks over the castle. It’s the thing everyone tells you to stay for, and everyone is right. We missed Tron and the Jungle Cruise — a full day is not enough for everything, even with passes.

Universal’s Islands of Adventure: the best day

Universal was the high point of the trip. The rides are simply better if you’re an adult who likes thrill: Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure (the best ride in Orlando, fight me), the Forbidden Journey inside Hogwarts, Spider-Man, Kong: Skull Island, the Hulk coaster (we rode it twice), and the Popeye river-rapids raft, which soaks every single person on it without exception — remove your contact lenses and anything you love.

Express passes were sold out that morning, which led to the discovery that there are… creative ways to get them anyway (the on-site credit-card signup perk — and even those ran out one person after us). However you get them: get them. Lines are the real enemy at these parks, and $100 to erase them is the best money you’ll spend.

Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure — the best ride in Orlando, threading the castle ruins.

And then there’s the Butterbeer at the Wizarding World. I don’t even have a Harry Potter attachment and it was the single thing I liked best all day. Harry Potter world in general is Universal’s crown jewel — the detail is absurd.

One regret: I sat out the VelociCoaster (it was closed for weather, then reopened while we were at lunch) and felt the FOMO immediately. Don’t sit out the VelociCoaster.

EPCOT: the park for adults

EPCOT — Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow — was the chill closer, and it’s the most “adult” of the parks. The World Showcase is a ring of country pavilions around a lagoon, and in one afternoon we walked France, Norway, Germany, the UK, Morocco, China, Japan, Mexico, and Canada — each with its own architecture and (crucially) its own food. It’s the best eating in Disney.

EPCOT’s World Showcase — nine countries in an afternoon, and the best food in Disney.

Mission: SPACE comes with dire nausea warnings that, for me, oversold it — it was fine. The one that got away was Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind (narrated, delightfully, by Terry from Brooklyn Nine-Nine) — single-rider lightning passes were the only ones left and I couldn’t snag one. Test Track and Frozen Ever After also stayed on the missed list. EPCOT quietly needs more than a day.

Odd personal note: EPCOT was the one place all trip where I caught myself thinking “I could live somewhere like this.” Make of that what you will — the park is literally a prototype of a planned community, so maybe the imagineering just works.

A solo hour with dolphins

My flight home was hours after checkout, so I spent the gap solo at SeaWorld, mostly just watching the dolphins. I stood there with a growing pile of physics questions: how do they float without moving? How does the blubber buoyancy actually work? How do they turn that fast? No answers, just the kind of open questions that are my favourite souvenir from any trip.

Verdict

Recommended, and genuinely worth it — with three rules:

1. Get the express/lightning passes. This is not optional. Lines are the enemy; money defeats them.
2. One park per day, and you still won’t finish. Choose your must-rides in advance.
3. Take the boat to Magic Kingdom, stay for the fireworks, drink the Butterbeer, and do not skip the VelociCoaster.

Practical notes

• Where we stayed: near Celebration, FL — around $72/night, 10–15 min from Disney parks and 20–25 from Universal. You don’t need an on-property hotel.
• Park order that worked: Disney Springs + light stuff on arrival day → Magic Kingdom → Universal → EPCOT as the wind-down. High-energy days early.
• Disney Springs and the boat/monorail are free — good arrival-day or budget options.
• Popeye raft ride = total soaking. Plan clothes and electronics accordingly.
• Kennedy Space Center was on our plan and got squeezed out — by all accounts it’s the un-touristy gem of the region, and it’s the top of my list for a return trip.